Attachment Styles Explained: A Reference Guide
Understanding Your Relationship Patterns, Core Fears, and the Path Toward Healing
Have you ever found yourself wondering why relationships seem to feel so complicated, even when you deeply want connection?
Maybe you find yourself overthinking a text message after someone doesn't respond right away. Maybe you constantly worry that you are too much, too needy, or too emotional. Perhaps you struggle to express your needs because you don't want to burden anyone. Or maybe you deeply love the people in your life but notice that when someone gets too close, something inside you wants to pull away.
You might even experience both at the same time: "I want to feel deeply connected, but closeness also feels scary."
If you recognize yourself in any of these experiences, you are not alone.
Many of the patterns we experience in relationships are connected to something called attachment style: the way our nervous system learned to understand safety, connection, trust, and emotional closeness.
Attachment styles can influence:
How comfortable we feel with intimacy
How we respond during conflict
Whether we ask for support or try to handle everything alone
How we interpret other people's words and behaviors
How easily we trust others
How we relate to our own emotions and needs
Understanding your attachment style can be a powerful first step toward healing because it allows you to move away from shame and toward curiosity.
Instead of asking: "Why am I like this?"
You can begin asking: "What happened that taught me I needed to respond this way?"
Your attachment style is not a flaw in your personality. It is a protective strategy your nervous system developed to help you experience safety and connection.
And strategies that were once necessary can be gently changed.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment theory was first developed by psychologist John Bowlby, who studied the importance of early caregiver relationships in childhood development. Later research by Mary Ainsworth expanded our understanding of how children develop different patterns of attachment based on their experiences of connection, comfort, and safety.
At its core, attachment is about one fundamental question: "Can I trust that someone will be there for me when I need them?"
As children, we are completely dependent on caregivers for survival. Our brains and nervous systems are constantly learning from our early experiences:
Are my emotions welcomed or rejected?
Do people respond when I need comfort?
Is it safe to express my needs?
Can I trust others?
Am I lovable when I am struggling?
These experiences shape the internal beliefs we carry about ourselves and relationships. A child who consistently experiences comfort, emotional attunement, and repair after moments of disconnection may develop a sense that they are worthy of love and relationships can be safe. A child who experiences inconsistency, emotional unavailability, criticism, unpredictability, or fear may develop different strategies to maintain connection.
For example:
A child who learns that attention only comes when they are highly distressed may become more focused on seeking reassurance.
A child who learns that emotions are ignored or rejected may begin suppressing their needs and relying only on themselves.
A child who experiences both a desire for connection and fear within relationships may develop a pattern of moving toward closeness and then pulling away.
These patterns are not conscious choices; they are adaptations.
Attachment Styles Are About Survival, Not What's Wrong With You
One of the most important things to understand about attachment is that your attachment style developed for a reason.
Your nervous system is always trying to answer the question: "What do I need to do to stay connected and safe?"
For some people, safety was found through becoming highly aware of other people's emotions.
They learned that if they can anticipate what others need, they might be able to prevent rejection. For others, safety came through independence. This person learned that if they don’t need anyone, they can’t be disappointed. For others, relationships became confusing because the same person who provided comfort and safety may have also been a source of fear, inconsistency, or emotional pain. They learned that they need connection, but that connection doesn’t always feel safe. These strategies often begin in childhood, but they continue into adulthood because the nervous system remembers what it learned.
This is why many people say: "I know logically that my partner loves me, but my body still feels afraid."
Attachment patterns are not just thoughts. They are emotional and physiological responses. Your body may react before your logical mind has a chance to remind you that you are safe.
The Four Attachment Styles
While attachment is complex and every person is unique, researchers often describe four primary attachment patterns:
1. Secure Attachment
I am worthy of love, and relationships can be safe.
2. Anxious Attachment
I need to work hard to keep people close because they might leave.
3. Avoidant Attachment
I can only truly rely on myself.
4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment
I deeply want connection, but connection also feels unsafe.
Remember: these are not labels meant to define you.
They are patterns meant to help you understand yourself. Many people identify with pieces of multiple attachment styles depending on the relationship, environment, and experiences they have had. The goal is not to judge yourself— the goal is awareness. Because what we can understand, we can begin to heal.
Secure Attachment: When Connection Feels Safe
Imagine this:
You have a difficult day. You feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or uncertain. Instead of immediately shutting down or assuming you have to handle everything alone, you reach out to someone you trust.
You might say: "I'm having a hard day. I don't need you to fix it, but I could use some support."
When conflict happens, you may feel upset, but you do not automatically assume the relationship is ending. You can communicate. You can repair. You can take accountability without feeling like you are fundamentally a bad person. This is the foundation of secure attachment.
Core Beliefs of Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment often carry beliefs such as:
I am worthy of love.
My needs matter.
I can depend on others and myself.
Conflict does not mean the relationship is over.
I can be close to others while still being my own person.
Secure attachment does not mean someone never feels anxious, insecure, or afraid. Everyone experiences moments of uncertainty. The difference is that someone with more secure attachment generally has a stronger ability to regulate those emotions and return to a sense of safety.
Typical Behaviors of Secure Attachment
Someone with secure attachment may:
Communicate their needs openly
Feel comfortable with emotional closeness
Respect boundaries (their own and others)
Trust others without needing constant reassurance
Handle conflict through communication rather than avoidance or escalation
Allow themselves to receive support
Maintain a sense of identity within relationships
They understand that healthy relationships involve both connection and individuality.
Relationship Patterns of Secure Attachment
In relationships, securely attached individuals tend to:
Feel comfortable expressing vulnerability
Believe their partner's words and actions are generally trustworthy
Repair after disagreements
Recognize that relationships naturally include challenges
Give and receive love without feeling they must earn it
Their relationships are not perfect. They still experience misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and disagreements. The difference is that they have developed an internal sense of safety that allows them to navigate those challenges.
If You Don't Have Secure Attachment, Can You Develop It?
Yes! Many people assume that if they did not develop secure attachment in childhood, they are destined to repeat the same patterns forever. That is not true. The brain and nervous system are capable of change throughout life.
Healing attachment wounds often happens through experiences of:
Safe relationships
Emotional awareness
Self-compassion
Learning to regulate emotions
Practicing healthy boundaries
Receiving consistent, supportive connection
In other words:
Secure attachment can be learned.
You can build a relationship with yourself where you begin to trust your emotions, honor your needs, and believe that you are worthy of care.
Reflection Questions
As you begin exploring your own attachment patterns, consider:
1. When I feel disconnected from someone I love, what is my first reaction?
Do I:
Reach out immediately?
Shut down?
Assume something is wrong?
Try to fix the situation?
Pretend I don't care?
2. What did I learn growing up about having needs?
Did I learn:
My needs would be met?
My emotions were welcome?
I had to be independent?
I needed to take care of others first?
3. Do I feel safe being fully myself in relationships? Why or why not?
The Good News About Attachment Healing
Understanding attachment is not about finding another reason to criticize yourself. It is about finally understanding the protective patterns that have been influencing your relationships.
Maybe you have spent years wondering why you are so anxious or why you shut down when someone gets close or why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns.
Attachment theory offers a compassionate answer: Because at some point, your nervous system learned that this was the safest way to navigate connection. And now, with awareness and support, you can teach it something new.
Anxious Attachment and Avoidant Attachment
Understanding the Fear Beneath the Behavior and How Healing Begins
The purpose of understanding attachment is not to place yourself into a category or decide that something is "wrong" with you. The purpose is to begin recognizing that there is a reason why you respond the way you do in relationships. When we understand the deeper fear underneath our behaviors, we can begin creating new responses that are rooted in safety rather than survival.
Anxious Attachment: When Connection Feels Uncertain
I want to feel close to you, but I am afraid you will leave.
Imagine this:
You are dating someone you really care about. Things feel good. You feel connected. You enjoy spending time together. Then one day, something shifts. They seem quieter than usual. They take longer than normal to respond to your message. Their tone feels slightly different. Logically, you know there are many possible explanations: Maybe they are tired. Maybe work was stressful. Maybe they simply have a lot going on. But your body reacts before your mind can make sense of it.
A feeling of panic begins to rise.
Are they upset with me?
Did I do something wrong?
Are they losing interest?
You reread conversations looking for clues. You analyze their wording. You wonder if you should reach out again or if that will make you seem needy. By the time they respond with something simple like:
"Sorry, today was crazy. Everything is okay ❤️"
you may feel a wave of relief, but also exhaustion from the emotional rollercoaster you just experienced. If this feels familiar, you may recognize patterns associated with anxious attachment.
The Core Fear of Anxious Attachment
The deepest fear underneath anxious attachment is often: I will be abandoned, rejected, or not chosen.
At its core, anxious attachment is not really about needing constant attention. It is about the nervous system searching for reassurance that connection is secure. Many people with anxious attachment learned early in life that connection was unpredictable. Maybe affection was available sometimes but not others. Maybe a caregiver was loving one moment and emotionally unavailable the next. Maybe you learned to closely monitor other people's moods because your sense of safety depended on knowing what emotional state someone else was in.
Over time, your nervous system may have learned that if I pay close enough attention, I can prevent disconnection.
The Hidden Beliefs Behind Anxious Attachment
Underneath anxious attachment, there are often painful beliefs such as:
I have to earn love.
My needs might be too much.
If someone pulls away, it must be my fault.
I am responsible for keeping relationships together.
I cannot relax until I know everything is okay.
These beliefs are often not conscious. Many people with anxious attachment know they are overthinking, but they cannot simply "turn it off." That is because the reaction is not only happening in the thinking part of the brain. It is happening in the nervous system. Your body is trying to protect you from the pain of rejection or abandonment.
Typical Behaviors of Anxious Attachment
Someone with anxious attachment may:
Seek frequent reassurance
Overanalyze conversations
Fear conflict because it feels like a threat to the relationship
Have difficulty tolerating uncertainty
Feel responsible for other people's emotions
Apologize frequently
Prioritize others' needs over their own
Struggle with boundaries because they fear disappointing others
Feel intense distress when someone seems distant
Many people with anxious attachment are deeply empathetic and emotionally attuned. The same sensitivity that allows them to notice subtle changes in others can also become exhausting when their nervous system is constantly scanning for signs of rejection.
Relationship Patterns of Anxious Attachment
In relationships, anxious attachment may show up as pursuing connection when feeling afraid. When there is distance, the anxious attachment system often moves toward the person for reassurance.
This may look like:
Sending multiple messages
Asking repeatedly if everything is okay
Wanting immediate resolution during conflict
Feeling unable to calm down until the relationship feels secure again
The underlying need is not control. The underlying need is safety.
Losing connection with yourself
One of the most painful parts of anxious attachment is that people can become so focused on maintaining the relationship that they lose touch with their own needs. You may find yourself asking what someone else needs from you before asking what you need for yourself. You may ignore discomfort because you are afraid that expressing your needs could create conflict or distance. Over time, this can create resentment, exhaustion, and a feeling of losing yourself.
Healing Anxious Attachment
Healing anxious attachment is not about becoming someone who does not care. Your desire for connection is not the problem. Humans are wired for connection. The goal is learning that connection can exist without abandoning yourself.
Healing often involves:
Building self-trust
Learning to ask:
"What am I feeling?"
"What do I need?"
"What do I believe is true?"
before immediately looking outside yourself for reassurance.
Learning nervous system regulation
When your attachment system becomes activated, your body may move into a threat response.
Practices that help you regulate before responding can create space between the emotion and the action.
Examples:
Grounding exercises
Breathwork
Somatic awareness
Journaling
Self-soothing practices
Practicing secure communication
Instead of:
"Are you mad at me?"
Healing may look like:
"I noticed I felt anxious when communication changed. I know that feeling comes up for me sometimes, and I wanted to check in rather than make assumptions."
This creates connection without requiring the other person to manage your emotions.
Quick Reference: Anxious Attachment
Core Fear:
Being abandoned, rejected, or not being enough.
Common Belief:
I have to work hard to keep people close.
Relationship Patterns:
Seeking reassurance
Overthinking
Fear of conflict
People pleasing
Difficulty setting boundaries
Nervous System Response:
Hypervigilance and heightened sensitivity to signs of disconnection.
Healing Focus:
Building self-trust
Developing emotional regulation
Creating healthy boundaries
Learning that love does not need to be earned
Avoidant Attachment: When Independence Feels Safer Than Dependence
I want connection, but needing someone feels dangerous.
Imagine this: Someone you care about wants to have a deeper conversation. They ask if they can talk to you about what happened. Immediately, you feel uncomfortable. Not because you do not care. Not because you do not love them. But something inside you wants to escape. You feel overwhelmed. You need space. You want to shut down. You tell yourself that this isn’t a big deal, you don’t know why they are making this so emotional, you just need some time alone. Maybe later, when things calm down, you realize that you do want closeness, you just don’t know why it feels so overwhelming when someone needs you.
This may reflect patterns associated with avoidant attachment.
The Core Fear of Avoidant Attachment
The deepest fear underneath avoidant attachment is often: Depending on others is unsafe, disappointing, or overwhelming.
People with avoidant attachment often learned that their needs were not consistently met or welcomed. Maybe emotions were dismissed. Maybe vulnerability was uncomfortable in your household. Maybe you were praised for being independent and heard messages like: "You're so mature”, "You don't need anyone”, "You handle things so well."
While independence is a valuable strength, some children learn independence not because they feel secure, but because needing others feels risky.
The Hidden Beliefs Behind Avoidant Attachment
Underneath avoidant attachment may be beliefs such as:
I should handle things myself.
My emotions are a burden.
Needing others makes me vulnerable.
If I get too close, I will lose myself.
People will eventually disappoint me.
Often, people with avoidant attachment are not disconnected because they do not have emotions. Many actually feel deeply. They have simply learned to manage emotions by creating distance.
Typical Behaviors of Avoidant Attachment
Someone with avoidant attachment may:
Have difficulty expressing emotions
Minimize their own needs
Feel uncomfortable receiving support
Withdraw during conflict
Need significant alone time
Struggle with vulnerability
Feel overwhelmed by intense emotions
Avoid difficult conversations
From the outside, this can sometimes appear like not caring. But internally, the experience is often much more complex.
Relationship Patterns of Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment may show up as creating distance when intimacy increases. At the beginning of a relationship, connection may feel exciting and comfortable. But as emotional closeness deepens, vulnerability increases. This can activate old protective patterns. The nervous system may begin experiencing the deepening connection as unsafe, even when the relationship itself is healthy.
Confusing emotional independence with emotional safety
Many people with avoidant attachment have become incredibly capable. They solve problems. They handle responsibilities. They take care of others. But they may struggle with allowing themselves to be cared for. True emotional safety is not needing no one. It is knowing you can need someone and still remain yourself.
Healing Avoidant Attachment
Healing avoidant attachment is not about forcing yourself to become emotionally dependent. It is about learning that connection and independence can exist together.
Healing often involves:
Increasing emotional awareness
Learning to recognize:
What am I feeling?
What happens in my body when someone gets close?
What am I protecting myself from?
Practicing vulnerability slowly
Vulnerability does not need to happen all at once.
Practicing vulnerability may look like:
Sharing one honest feeling
Asking for support in a small way
Allowing someone to show up for you
Staying present during emotional conversations
Learning that needs are human
Having needs does not make you weak. It makes you human. Secure relationships are not built by never needing others. They are built when two people can show up honestly and safely.
Quick Reference: Avoidant Attachment
Core Fear:
Losing independence, being controlled, or being disappointed.
Common Belief:
I can only rely on myself.
Relationship Patterns:
Emotional distance
Difficulty expressing needs
Withdrawal during conflict
Discomfort with vulnerability
Nervous System Response:
Detachment which creates emotional distance to feel safe.
Healing Focus:
Building emotional awareness
Practicing vulnerability
Receiving support
Creating safe connection
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Healing Attachment Wounds, and Building Secure Connection
In the first two parts of this guide, we explored how attachment styles develop and how anxious and avoidant attachment patterns can influence the way we experience relationships. As we move into the final attachment style, I want to emphasize something important. Many people who struggle with relationships do not fit neatly into one category. You may recognize yourself as someone who seeks reassurance at times but also pushes people away. You may deeply desire love while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed when someone gets close. You may crave emotional safety but struggle to believe it is possible. If that feels familiar, you may recognize aspects of fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment.
This attachment style is often connected to more complex relational experiences, trauma, inconsistent caregiving, or environments where the person who was supposed to provide safety also felt unpredictable or unsafe. And perhaps more than any other attachment style, fearful-avoidant attachment carries a painful internal conflict: The thing I need most is also the thing that feels the most dangerous.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment: When Connection Feels Both Necessary and Unsafe
Come close...but not too close.
Imagine this: You meet someone who feels different. They are kind. They listen. They show up for you. They make you feel seen. A part of you feels relieved. You may have the thought, "Finally. This feels safe." You begin opening up. You allow yourself to hope. But then something shifts. The relationship starts becoming deeper. They want to know you more. They want emotional intimacy. They want to support you. And suddenly, instead of feeling comforted, you feel anxious. Your body becomes tense. Your mind starts searching for reasons why this might not work.
What if they leave?
What if I get hurt?
What if I lose myself?
What if I trust them and regret it?
You might pull away. You might become distant. You might convince yourself you do not actually need the relationship. But then the distance hurts too. You miss them. You want connection again. So you move closer. Until closeness begins to feel overwhelming again. And the cycle repeats.
This push-pull pattern can feel incredibly confusing and painful. Many people with fearful-avoidant attachment spend years asking:
Why do I want love so badly, but struggle to receive it?
The answer is not because you are broken. It is because your nervous system learned that connection could come with both comfort and danger.
The Core Fear of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
The deepest fear underneath fearful-avoidant attachment is often: I will be hurt if I let someone close, but I will also suffer if I am alone.
This creates an internal conflict between two powerful needs:
The need for connection:
I want to be loved. I want to feel chosen. I want someone to understand me.
AND
The need for protection:
I cannot let my guard down. I cannot trust completely. I have to protect myself.
When these two needs are constantly competing, relationships can feel exhausting.
You may feel like you are constantly navigating between:
Wanting reassurance but rejecting it when it is offered
Wanting intimacy but fearing vulnerability
Wanting someone to know you but fearing being fully seen
Wanting commitment but feeling trapped by closeness
How Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Develops
Fearful-avoidant attachment often develops when a child experiences caregivers or relationships that feel inconsistent, unpredictable, frightening, or emotionally unsafe. For a child, caregivers are supposed to represent safety. But what happens when the person you turn toward for comfort is also someone you fear disappointing, upsetting, or being hurt by?
The nervous system faces a painful dilemma: The person I need for safety is also connected to danger.
A child cannot simply leave. They cannot rationalize the situation. They cannot understand: My caregiver is struggling with their own wounds, which is affecting how they show up emotionally.
Instead, the child adapts. They may become highly attuned to other people's moods. They may learn to anticipate emotional shifts. They may become a people-pleaser. They may suppress their own needs. They may disconnect from their feelings. They may develop a strong desire for closeness while simultaneously learning that closeness is risky. These adaptations can continue into adulthood.
The Hidden Beliefs Behind Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Underneath fearful-avoidant attachment, there are often deeply held beliefs such as:
I cannot fully trust people.
Love eventually leads to pain.
If people really know me, they will leave.
My needs are too much.
I have to protect myself.
I want connection, but I do not know how to feel safe in it.
Many people with fearful-avoidant attachment also carry significant shame.
They may think:
Why can't I just relax?
Why do I sabotage good relationships?
Why am I so complicated?
But shame keeps people stuck. Compassion creates space for healing. The goal is not to criticize the protective parts of yourself. The goal is to understand why they developed and teach them that they no longer have to work so hard to keep you safe.
Typical Behaviors of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Fearful-avoidant attachment may show up as:
Intense fear of abandonment
Difficulty trusting others
Feeling overwhelmed by emotional closeness
Push-pull relationship patterns
People-pleasing followed by resentment
Difficulty identifying personal needs
Emotional shutdown during conflict
Feeling triggered by intimacy
Hypervigilance toward rejection
Difficulty believing reassurance
Wanting connection but fearing dependence
One of the most painful aspects of fearful-avoidant attachment is that the person often knows what they want:
They want love.
They want safety.
They want connection.
But their nervous system has learned to associate those things with vulnerability and potential danger.
Relationship Patterns of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Relationships may feel like an emotional tug-of-war.
A person may:
Pursue connection: Please don't leave me.
Then
Create distance: I don't know if I can trust this.
Then
Long for connection again: Why do I feel so alone?
This cycle is not intentional. It is often the nervous system attempting to balance two competing needs: Attachment and protection.
Healing Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Healing fearful-avoidant attachment requires more than simply understanding the pattern. Because these attachment wounds often involve the nervous system, healing involves creating new experiences of safety.
This may include:
Learning to Recognize Protective Responses
Instead of:
I am ruining this relationship.
Try:
A part of me is trying to protect me right now.
This creates curiosity instead of shame.
Building Nervous System Safety
Because fearful-avoidant attachment is often connected to experiences of unpredictability, healing requires learning what safety feels like.
This may involve:
Grounding practices
Breathwork
Learning emotional regulation skills
The goal is not to eliminate emotions. The goal is to help your body recognize: I can feel something difficult and still be safe.
Creating Relationships Built on Repair
Many people with attachment wounds fear conflict because conflict feels like rejection.
Healing involves learning:
Conflict does not have to mean abandonment.
A healthy relationship is not one where two people never hurt each other.
A healthy relationship is one where two people can repair.
Quick Reference: Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Core Fear:
Being abandoned, rejected, controlled, or hurt.
Common Belief:
I want love, but love does not feel safe.
Relationship Patterns:
Push-pull dynamics
Difficulty trusting
Fear of intimacy
Fear of abandonment
Emotional overwhelm
Nervous System Response:
A combination of activation (seeking connection) and shutdown (creating distance).
Healing Focus:
Trauma healing
Developing safe relationships
Practicing vulnerability
Can Attachment Styles Change?
Yes! This may be one of the most important things to understand about attachment. Your attachment style is not a permanent identity.
It is not: This is just who I am.
It is: This is what I learned to do to survive and maintain connection.
And what was learned can be changed. The brain has the ability to create new pathways through a process called neuroplasticity. Our nervous systems can also develop new expectations through repeated experiences of safety, consistency, and connection.
Healing attachment wounds often happens through:
Self-awareness
Compassion toward yourself
Setting boundaries
Practicing vulnerability
Receiving support
For many people, this healing happens through a supportive therapeutic relationship where they can experience something different:
A relationship where they are seen.
A relationship where their emotions matter.
A relationship where they do not have to earn care.
A relationship where they can practice being fully themselves.
Healing Attachment Wounds Through Trauma Therapy
Understanding your attachment style is a powerful first step. But many people discover that insight alone does not always create lasting change. You may understand why you react a certain way in relationships.
But still find yourself:
Overthinking relationships
Shutting down during conflict
Struggling to express your needs
Feeling unsafe receiving love
Repeating patterns you promised yourself you would change
This is because attachment wounds are not only stored in our thoughts. They are also stored in our bodies and nervous systems. Healing requires creating new experiences of safety.
In my work with clients, I help individuals explore the deeper roots of relationship patterns through a trauma-informed, integrative approach that incorporates attachment-focused therapy, nervous system regulation, somatic healing, and mind-body approaches.
Together, we work to understand:
Where these patterns began
How they have protected you
What your nervous system needs now
How to create healthier relationships with yourself and others
The goal is not to become someone else. The goal is to reconnect with the parts of yourself that had to hide, adapt, or protect you.
You Are Not Too Much. You Are Not Too Difficult. You Are Not Broken.
If you see yourself in these attachment patterns, I hope you leave this article with compassion for yourself. Your behaviors make sense. Your fears make sense. Your protective strategies make sense.
At some point, they helped you navigate experiences that felt overwhelming or unsafe. But you do not have to spend the rest of your life living from those old survival patterns. You can learn what safe connection feels like. You can learn to trust yourself. You can learn to express your needs without fear. You can create relationships where love feels steady, supportive, and secure.
Healing attachment wounds is not about becoming someone new. It is about finally feeling safe enough to become who you have always been.
If you are ready to begin healing the patterns that keep you feeling stuck in relationships and reconnect with yourself in a deeper way, I would be honored to support you.
Learn more about my trauma therapy services and how we can work together to heal attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system, and move toward greater self-trust and secure connection.